Tear Jerker

This post will require tissues. You have been forewarned.

For the past 3 years we have walked alongside my mother in law, (known as Grammie) during her battle with ovarian and cervical cancer. She lost that battle on October 26, 2014. I want to thank those of you who have come alongside us during this journery and supported us and prayed for us. Your love and support have been amazing. 

I wanted to write this post as a reminder/look back/reference for our daughter and maybe it will help others who are dealing with the passing of a loved one while trying to explain it to a four year old as well. (Although I pray you never have to) My daughter and Grammie have been incredibly close esp for living so far apart. We have tried to be very diligent and forthcoming with our daughter regarding Grammie's passing while trying to be sensitive to a little heart. I have very distinct memories of my sisters birth/death and ensuing funneral. Although I'm not sure how much of it is true memory and how much is through stories/pictures I have seen and heard, I remeber wanting to know and understand every part of the process and the funeral director taking me aside to gently explain things in 7 y/o terms to help me process it all.So I wanted to document as best as I could Grammie's passing in the eyes of a four year old. We had prepped our daughter and ourselves as best we could, but you are never truly ready when it happens. When we told our daughter about Grammie passing, she simply accepted it as fact and went about her activities. She asked a few follow ups like, "Is she in heaven?" "Will I get to see her?" but mainly just accepted it but didn't seem to dwell on it. As time went on she started to ask more questions as her little heart and mind started to process it. Here are some of her questions and thoughts that she voiced to us and our responses:

Why do people cry when someone dies? (This took me by surprise, because I just assumed everyone was automatically sad when someone dies, but to her it wasn't necessarily something to cry about) I explained that people cry because they miss the person and are sad becuase they won't get to see them or hug them again until they get to heaven.

I made a comment to her one day about Gramie being able to see her, looking down from heaven at her. Her response, "She can't see me, I'm inside. She can only see me when I'm outside." hmm-this kid challenges my theology!

How do you get to heaven? An indepth conversation about how only your spirit/soul goes to heaven ensued (I described it as the part of you that thinks/talks/feels and then when you get there God gives you a new body to live in.) but that you body stays behind kind of like a shell. She wanted to know why you couldn't see someone go up to heaven but before I could answer she proceeded to say, "I think you just like blink your eyes and pouf! you are in heaven" Agreed little child!

In the coming days, as we prepared to head to NJ, she started to tell random people, "My Gramie died." In her sweet inncocence she did not realize that is a taboo thing to say, but I let her because I felt like that was how she was dealing with it in her 4 y/o way and she needed to tell people. She also made up a happy song about her Gramie being dead. Again in her mind, it was so matter of fact and so she wanted to sing about it. I so desperately want to hold onto her inocennce and her straight forward approach to dealing with death. So matter of fact and simplistc, not trying to sugar coat it so someone else doesn't feel uncomfortable.

When we arrived to my sister in laws home where Grammie had resided the last few years, we tried to prepare her that Grammie wasn't there anymore and her room had been changed. Her response, "I just wish Grammie could be alive for one more day, so I could play with her again!" Ugh! Me too, sweet child, me too! She pulls at my heartstrings!

As it came time for the party in celebration of Grammie's life, there was a time for toasts. We had asked ahead of time if there was something she wanted everyone to know about her Grammie. She didn't want to say it aloud but she typed it on the computer and her daddy read it to everyone. I don't have the exact words but it went something like this: "I love my Grammie so much, she is my best friend and we had a lot of fun together."

During that same night, the room had been filled with balloons, our daughter (with some help) collected most of those balloons and we went outside to release them. As the balloons were taking off into the night sky, she exclaims, "Is that the way to where Grammie is?" Yes my child it is :)

The day of the funeral brought many more questions and tough answers. Grammie was creamated but we did not divulge that info as we felt that would be too much for her to handle at that age. She was very intrigued by where Grammie would be buried. We showed her the spot, she wanted to know how they knew how big to dig the hole, we showed her the hole. She then asked, "Why do we bury people in the ground?" Bizare when you think about it, aside from the health reasons and the verse that states, dust to dust and ashes to ashes, I simply replied, "cause that's what we do."

After the funeral, Grammie's urn was brought to the graveside. It was a beautiful square white urn. She quietly asked, "How did Grammie's body get so small to fit in that box?" I said, "that is what size she is now that she has passed away." She then turned to Aunt Pammy, who was with Grammie when she passed and asked, "How did you know that she died?" When I heard that question, my heart stood still as I tried to wrap my mind around what she was thinking at that moment. It was like she needed confirmation that Grammie was really dead and that someone hadn't made a mistake. Thankfully, Aunt Pammy beautifully said, "She took once last breath, and that was it." And that was sufficent for her. As we were closing up the graveside portion, she started to cry and said, "When will I get to see her again and kiss her?" Trying to hold it together, I gently encouraged her to kiss Grammie now one last time. She graciously did and then proceeded to gather grass and leaves to cover her with so she would not be lonely. 

Typically, the mortician waits until everyone has left before they place the urn in the ground. However, our daughter needed a little more closure and wanted to see that Grammie was safe in the ground. Thankfully, Mr. Woodside obliged and allowed her to make sure she fit nicely and I told her, "Now Grammie is snug as a bug in there."

Grammie, had the foreknowledge to know that this day would come and she also had the insight to make a build a bear for her with 4 different voice recordings from Grammie.  Our daughter thinks this is great but I lose it everytime I hear her voice, esp the one that says, I'm in heaven now and Jesus is taking good care of me!

The saying that children are resilent is SO true and while this has been a trying, challengeing, heartbreaking experience, I pray that it is one that she looks back on with fond memories of her time with Grammie knowing that one day soon she will she her again in heaven. And I continue to rest in that promise and look forward to the day of being united with Christ and reunited with so many of my loved ones!

Menu Meal Plan

Here's whats for dinner!
Sunday: Crockpot Broccoli Cheddar soup with french bagettes
Monday: homemade Spaghetti and meatballs courtesy of my sister in law Shawn; leftover bagettes and light salad
Tuesday: Chicken fajita bake with rice
Wednesday: Panera mac and cheese and ham slice
Thursday:  Crockpot pulled chicken sandwhiches, french fries
Friday: out to Halloween party
Saturday: homemade pizza

Sunday: Tomato Basil Parmesan soup and grilled cheese sandwhiches
Monday: whole chicken in crockpot with sweet potato casserole  (from Miss Kay's cookbook) and oven roasted brussel sprouts with bacon
Tuesday: baked spaghetti squash with cheese and spinach
Wednesday: leftovers
Thursday: Italian chicken bake over rice with steamed vegtables
Friday: buffalo chicken ring with carrots/celery and ranch dip
Saturday: out to restaurant of choice or leftovers

A few other things we plan on whipping up for treats, and snacks:
Granola bars
Pumpkin chocolate chip muffins
Cheerios breakfast cookies
Cinnamon banana bread
Creamsicle breakfast smoothie

I am really trying not to waste any of our food and with our upcoming move I am trying to use up things we already have so I don't have to throw stuff away when the time comes.

Preschool Circiulum

So I am assuming that most people don't really care about my preschool experience, but I am writing this more for my own reference in case I travel this path with future children. When I first started, we would go over the basics ie day of the week, month, bible verse, weather; but she wasn't really into it and wasn't really retaining any of the information. So I started incorporating songs into circle time and while she often huffs and puffs the tunes are catchy and she is learning/retaining more this way. If found this blog helpful and used most of her circle time ideas.
We start off singing our Good morning song and "This is the day"
Next come circle time activities including:
Days of the week: the tune of the Adams family
Months of the year: the tune of the Ten little Indians
Whats the weather: tune of Oh my Darling
We also review the date/year and season
We count starting 1-30 for September and increase by 10 each month til we get to 100
Then we sing some silly/active songs (ie head and shldrs, baby bumblebee) and I also try to incorporate a song related to our bible story and what we are learning about that week.

I like the flexibility of the way I have designed this year. Since we only do 3 days a week it allows us to  pick and choose which days we have school and allows us to do other fun things and not feel stuck at home. A few times we have only done 2 days due to our schedule/sickness/etc. Our preschool lasts anywhere from 40 min to 2 hours depending on the program and what we are doing that day/week. and sometimes little brother joins us and sometimes he just piddles around and plays or takes a nap.

Week 5: T is for Tent

This week we discussed Abraham and how he was constantly moving from place to place and his obedience to God is following not knowing where he was going. It's a story our family can relate to in the past year :) and of course we had to read our story in a princess tent.

We also sang Father Abraham and Little Cabin in the woods. I also started incorporating more writing, letters, and colors to our curriculum. I found some awesome workbooks for pre-k handwriting, numbers etc from the dollar tree and so she is doing a page or two each day as we focus on a particular letter and number each week. Here she is with her tent craft, she drew a garden, trees, sky and we added the tent.

We were planing to go camping at the end of this week, which would have correlated perfectly with what we were learning about but the forecast called for rain all weekend and I am just not that brave and don't love camping enough to do in the rain with 2 small kiddos. 

Week 4: Z is for Zoo

Week 4 was all about the letter Z so of course we read the story of Noah and the Ark and by the end of the week Mia acted out the story using her fisher price Noah's Ark set. We also practiced making the letter Z using animals

 And then we used these cut outs to make clothespin animals for our zoo

We also had to make some fun paper plate and toilet paper roll animals. My favorite is the octopus with the big eyes! 

 If we were still in Columbus, I would have taken Mia to the zoo this week. But the zoo here is less then stellar and more expensive then I would like to spend on a subpar zoo (I am kinda a zoo snob!) So we settled for making our own zoo out of legos complete with a watering hole for the alligator and hippo. We had so much fun working together and it brings me such joy to spend those moments with my kiddos.

Week 3 Letter A is for Apple

Week 3 was all about Apples! We read about Adam and Eve in the garden, studied Romans 3:23 "For ALL have sinned." I also expanded our circle time to include counting from 1-30 and increasing by 10 each month and more preschool movement songs trying to relate them to what we are studying. I am also going to try to start incorporating some math and biblical character traits that go along with our bible stories each week. For example, for September we have been focusing on Obedience and looking at how various people were obedient to God in the bible. We made applesauce, apple pie, apple stamps and dissected an apple to see the various parts of the apple. It was a great week. We are loving this curriculum and learning so much!

Travel expert

I am starting to think that I have become somewhat of a travel expert since I have now taken 4 round trip airplane rides with 2 kids and only 1 of those trips was accompanied by another adult (thanks Mom!). So I thought I would share with you some of my tips that I have learned the hard way in case anyone is thinking of traveling with little ones.
1) Car seats: There are many theories regarding car seats and do you keep them with you or check them with your baggage. I have done both and here is my preference, since I have two kids in car seats, I prefer to check the car seats with my luggage. Some airlines will let you do this without counting it as your  free bag. However, with Southwest it counts toward one of your free bags. My daughter car seat came with a carrying case that I saved for some odd reason (but has really come in handy) and for the infant car seat I bought a car seat bag from Buy Buy Baby
2) Stroller: Because I have a 4 y/o and 1.5 y/o I have toyed with the idea of double stroller vs single umbrella stroller. I have done both and have come to the conclusion that a double stroller is a life saver when traveling in an airport esp when you have a layover and have to change planes/terminals etc in a short amt of time. This has saved me! You can gate check the stroller upon entering the aircraft free of charge and they deposit it to you as you exit the aircraft. The double stroller is also great because you don't have to drag your 4 y/o through the airport or keep an eye on her when you know that she is sitting safe in the stroller and you can briskly walk or in some cases run to catch the next plane. And if you are lucky enough to have a decent lay over you can walk the children around until the little one falls asleep.

3) Mommy Hook: This has been a lifesaver not just in the airport. While traveling, I use this to hold my camera bag, my carryon/diaper bag, my daughter's book bag/carryon keeping my hands free for my littles and the stroller. Seriously, if you have kids you need to get this!
4) Seating choice: I always choose a middle seat and a window seat and here's why. The window distracts my older child for a little while, my younger child loves to open/shut the window panel. Seriously a good 20 min, of entertainment. I can also put the younger child down to move about a little between the middle seat and the window seat. Also, I always try to make light of the fact that I have two kids and comment to whoever chooses to sit next to us. They will usually say something like: "Do you mind if I sit here?' and I will respond, "As long as you don't mind loud children!" That way they have been warned. And sometime we get lucky and get the whole row to ourselves.
5)Entertainment on the plane: As I mentioned earlier, the window is a fine source of entertainment for toddlers along with the lap tray and the reading material in the seat back pocket. Even my 4 y/o will thoroughly look at the safety packet to review 'the rules'. Another thing that entertains a toddler surprisingly is the plastic cup they serve drinks in. I always ask for mine and my older child's with a lid and straw. It's impossible to keep from spilling while holding a toddler and dealing with an older child. My 4 /yo loves to eat the ice and my youngest loves to pull the straw out and put it back in. I thought this was a one time thing but we had two flights in one trip and both flights he played with his empty cup and straw for at least 20 min! It was awesome!

6)FOOD: People have differing views on this, however, after having several worst case scenario's on airplanes I have come to find it is best to have an arsenal of snacks on hand. My favorites are the mini kit-kats that come in a resealable bag because what kid doesn't like chocolate. They are small and soft enough for a toddler to easily handle and I don't have to keep open individual candy bars, Some others include goldfish, Twizzlers, cereal bars, and fruit snacks. I usually also have a bag of Swedish fish or M&M's stashed away for my sanity :) However, keep in mind that goldfish can be easily ground into the floor and apparently they don't have vacuums on airplanes! I always bring a water bottle for each traveler (empty of course) and once we are in the terminal I buy a huge bottle of water and divide it among the water bottles for the ride.
7)Extras: I have learned the hard way to always have a change of clothes for each traveler especially for mom :) If you don't have them you will need them! make sure you have extra wipes in case your child gets airsick on the lady sitting next to you!

I have traveled solo with kids enough to experience the worst of it including a screaming child for an entire 2.5 hour flight d/t bedtime, stopping the bottle and paci the same week we traveled. (not recommended) A nice stewardess even put lavender oil on me in hopes of calming him down and he finally fell asleep as we landed! Ha! I have been thrown up on along with the lucky girl who choose to sick next to me as we landed thanks to turbulence that made my 1.5 y/o air sick and even had the pilot trying to help me clean up the mess on me, the baby, the plane and the poor girls leather boots! I have been pooped on mid flight and had to change a diaper and clothes (his not mine) in the seat since we weren't permitted to leave our seats at the time.

Happy Travels!